I'm FAMOUS!

Okay, not really, but I feel famous right now... Valerie has decided to feature my post about being emotionally slutty (a la Carrie Bradshaw) on a project she and some other ladies are working on called "Ladies, Say What You Say." My article is here!

If you go to the homepage, it's a little ways down on the page, but I'm super-excited to see what happens and how people respond...

I also wanted to mention that this is a cool project and I keep noticing new sort of "meta-blogs" or collections of blogs and writers with articles grouped by topics, many of which are aimed at twentysomething women. I find this very exciting. So far the ones I can think of right now include the one listed above, HerFuture (a network on Ning), and ChickSpeak (which is technically supposed to be for girls in college, but whatever, most of it still applies)... do you all know any others?

Emotionally Slutty

"I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty." -Carrie Bradshaw, "Sex and the City"

In yet another way that the ladies and writers of SATC have managed to describe a uniquely bizarre and unsettling moment in my life, Carrie brought us the idea of being emotionally slutty. I, regularly emotionally retarded (literally, other people learned how to handle emotions and I try to fake it and teach myself), have had moments where I've felt emotionally slutty. Sometimes it's really just because I'm so closed off that any attempts at letting others in make me feel naked, exposed, and I soon feel slutty and regret it.

But recently, I did it again with my recently close male friend. I sort of just told him some of the stuff about my family... I really don't know why. I guess I wanted to see if he had already heard rumors (because he's connected to me through school distantly, but we know mostly the same people) and I wanted to see how he'd react, what he'd say. I guess I also wanted him to know that while I'm normally an emotional mess, I'm particularly weird and messy these days (though I feel like I have to stop using that excuse because all of this stuff has been happening for so long, but at the same time, everything still applies). He reacted well, I think, mostly tried to understand and he did try to make me feel better - I asked for personal details about his life and he complied.

I just feel bad about it and don't know how to fix it. I'm thinking that I don't talk to him for a week and then pretend it never happened... normally I know that's a bad plan, but for now, when I feel like I've already been too open and had too much talk about feelings (because seriously, I want to keep hanging out with him and watch more sports and I want to go on his hikes because girls can't go alone, while guys can and it's tough finding people nowadays). I honestly don't even know if I have a crush on him, but the whole thing is definitely extra-weird because we have become a pseudo-couple and it would be easier for everyone else if we were dating, but I just can't even think about that right now, though I feel like any of that tension is exacerbated by my uncontrollable word vomit.

So, do you guys have any ideas? How do you fix emotionally-slutty-slips? Is there an equivalent to an emotional garbage bag I can wear to turn my feelings into a grab bag of mystery and illusions?

Musical Chairs

If this entry was an episode of "Friends," it would be called "the one where I attempt to make a Carrie Bradshaw-style statement about relationships" (or something like that)!

I've decided that dating and relationships are a bit like a giant game of musical chairs when you're in your twenties. People that are married and in long-term relationships are like those people who are completely convinced that the music is about to shut off and thus they stand quite close to the chair they want to take and barely circle around it, pretty much squatting over it and barely making any kind of movement.

Meanwhile, being single is like remaining in the game and running around in giant circles because you know that the music isn't going to come to an end, at least not right away and then even if it did, the odds that you'll be the one left out and left alone are honestly not much greater if you continue to keep your head up so you can see what's around you (and even go explore it), and play the game fully than if you decided to do the squat and tiny circle.

Because ultimately, even if you do "settle down" now, that's no real guarantee that you won't be the only one left standing when the music ends...