Rude People and Below-the-Belt-Commentary

"Do you ever feel like nothing's going right?
And do you ever feel like you've got nowhere to go,
But you tell yourself you can't quite let go,
I really hope that there's something more,
'Cause I feel I don't have much to show,
Worth anything in my life, worth anything in my life...
But there is hope in the pain,
Hope in my tears,
And even my shame,
And I have hope in my doubts,
And hope in my faults,
Even in my fear."
-from Ryan Calhoun's "Hope"

So the song is a bit dramatic, but I searched for a particular quote I had in mind and couldn't find it and I had to give up on that for the time being.

Just wanted to express my frustration with certain 'friends' and classmates who continue to feel entitled to say just about whatever they want. Obviously I'm more tired than usual and it's been a very, very rough two-ish weeks for me, and most of them at least kind of know that it's been difficult. And yet, one of them, who has honestly been the closest to me for a lot of the time I've been in grad school and who is the most like me of anyone, continues to feel entitled to continue to make comments about me being single and being the only one not married, etc. It's not the same as announcing that you're married or talking to someone about that - marriage is much more of a choice than being single, at least for people living in a small town with a horrific dating track record/history with some really scary people in the rearview mirror. But regardless of my marital status and how okay I am with it (because I really am okay with it, it was NEVER my intention to get married at 22 and I do believe that individuals should date more than one person over the course of a lifetime), it's just not okay to point this out and repeatedly announce that someone is the only person not married and time is ticking.

Who are you? My mother? How do you think you have any right to say this to me? When I informed you that it was not appropriate or appreciated, was that not enough of a hint? Do you need to make yourself feel better about your decision to get married very early (because that is somewhat unusual in academia, no matter how small a town in the Deep South we live in)?

It's just really frustrating because it's so hurtful and such crappy timing... and I just needed to blog about it, to share this experience with people that potentially get it. Or just to write it and remind myself that it is ridiculous and outrageous and most definitely, not okay.

Hilarious Comeback #1

When I think about how it gets exhausting to think of polite ways to explain to people why you aren't married or engaged and yet over the critical point (age 22 or younger in the deep south, it seems), I always need some good comebacks. Unfortunately, while I LOVE this one from "27 Dresses," I couldn't get away with it because my aunt would immediately report this to my mother and all other attendees and the Western hemisphere, thus making my mother's fears (that I'll "embarrass the family" because the cousin who re-married the bigamist after testifying against him in court and who threatened my grandparents with his gun at Thanksgiving is totally legit), but it doesn't mean I can't dream of saying it...

Jane's Aunt: Must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
Jane: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!

"27 Dresses"

Musical Chairs

If this entry was an episode of "Friends," it would be called "the one where I attempt to make a Carrie Bradshaw-style statement about relationships" (or something like that)!

I've decided that dating and relationships are a bit like a giant game of musical chairs when you're in your twenties. People that are married and in long-term relationships are like those people who are completely convinced that the music is about to shut off and thus they stand quite close to the chair they want to take and barely circle around it, pretty much squatting over it and barely making any kind of movement.

Meanwhile, being single is like remaining in the game and running around in giant circles because you know that the music isn't going to come to an end, at least not right away and then even if it did, the odds that you'll be the one left out and left alone are honestly not much greater if you continue to keep your head up so you can see what's around you (and even go explore it), and play the game fully than if you decided to do the squat and tiny circle.

Because ultimately, even if you do "settle down" now, that's no real guarantee that you won't be the only one left standing when the music ends...